A New Year’s Sexolution

Posted in Challenge, Marriage Monday with 4 comments

Yup, you read right… SEXolution.

I’ve been writing Marriage Monday’s since March and have yet to discuss the topic of Sex. Not quite sure how I have made it this far, but here we are, at the beginning of a new year, and it is time to have THE talk. It is not a topic I am at all afraid to talk about. Ask any of my friends and they will most likely roll their eyes because they all know I am an open book when it comes to the topic. Just as I have a passion for marriages to thrive, I have a passion to see the sex lives of married couples succeed as well and I am always willing to discuss, give advice, and share of our own experiences in this area (Matt is fully aware, I assure you… and he rolls his eyes too).

I have held off on the topic for a number of reasons, one being that my parents and in-laws read the blog and… well… that’s just awkward. But with all the recent grand-baby pressure, I’m thinking I don’t have reason to worry about that anymore (1+1=2, you know). And for those of you that may be bashful of the issue or afraid to read about it, I apologize for your discomfort, but this is not something I can put off any longer. In order to have a thriving marriage you must have a good sex life. Do not be fooled otherwise. Besides, if I lose a few followers, I think I will make up for the curious one’s of you that read this just because it has “sex” in the title. ;)

So let’s get down to business.


I’m afraid, especially in our Christian culture, that this is something often not taught. It’s “NO! NO! NO!” before you are married, and “HUSH! HUSH! HUSH!” once you are. These two responses can, and most likely will, be their own blog post, but for now I am simply talking about the connotation. We are raised and conditioned to believe that sex is a bad thing. We are forced to completely change our mindsets once the bubbles are blown/petals are thrown/sparklers are… held and we are entering the car at the end of the wedding. If we are struggling with what was supposed to be a very “natural” process, we are afraid to let anyone know. I honestly believe that our attitudes toward sex are one of the very reasons for the divorce rate in our country. Sex is not THE reason, it is not the ONLY key to a good marriage, but without a good sex life, your marriage cannot thrive (have I mentioned that enough yet?).

I could talk a lot on the subject of sex, but for today?

I just want you to go have it.

With your spouse. <–I should probably clarify that one to be safe.

Not only does sex have the ability to energize you and decrease your stress, but it can and will re-connect you with your mate. It is called intimacy for a reason and that “One-ness” with your spouse is a powerful tool that God has given you to have a lifelong, successful, and mutually satisfying relationship.

Ephesians 5:28-31:  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

1 Corinthians 7:3-5: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sex is good. God wants you to have it. So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure many of you have or are making new year’s resolutions for 2012. I have a great one for you: Have sex. Do it one step more than you are now and at least once a week. Already doing it once a week? Make it twice. Doing great at twice? Make it three times a week. Make the time to fulfill your spouse and to more deeply connect your relationship. Talk about it, figure out how you can make it more of a priority in your daily life. It may mean turning off the TV, putting the kids to bed early, or rearranging your work schedule, but FIND THE TIME.

In case you missed it, YOU CANNOT HAVE A THRIVING MARRIAGE WITHOUT A GOOD SEX LIFE. Your marriage might be good, it may even be great… but until your sex life is on track (along with everything else) it cannot thrive.

So make this a year of sex. Make it a year where you cherish your spouse and your intimate moments with him or her. Make it a year of thriving in your marriage.

All in all? I hope you will take Nike’s advice and…

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  1. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous)

    Thanks for bravely encouraging married couples in this regard. As you know, I talk about sexuality in marriage all of the time and God’s blessing of it. Still, I believe many Christians are slow to understand the significance of physical intimacy within marriage. It certainly isn’t everything, but it’s a big something. I would love to see a Sexolution Revolution in our churches – where the marrieds have fulfilling sex lives and prepare our youth to enjoy intimacy within the boundaries of marriage. Bless you!