Don’t do it alone

Posted in Marriage Monday with 6 comments

A speaker at our church said a quote this morning that has really stuck with me:

“It is impossible to have a church of one. The very concept of church assumes community.”

– Stuart Briscoe

What a great truth! I am a big supporter of not only being in the church, but being involved and most of all, being plugged in to community. But I would like to change Stuart’s quote a little for the sake of marriage…

“It is impossible to have a marriage with only two. The very concept of marriage assumes community.”

- Stuart Briscoe/Erin Baxter

Now, hopefully those of you that have been reading for awhile know better than this, but to put all worries aside, I am not advocating polygamy or suggesting you start your own TV show about your Sister-Wives. I am also in no way advocating you bring others into your bedroom or any other inappropriate act you can think of. Also, stay away from porn in your marriage. Thank you and moving on….


Marriage = 1 man + 1 woman + God + community


One guy asks one gal to stay with him and be his forever. They trust God and attempt to make Him the center of their relationship and everything they do. THEN that couple (guy and gal, in case you got lost), invites godly men and women into their lives to mentor them, hold them accountable and to just to do life all together.

Galatians 6:2 – Carry each other’s heavy loads. If you do, you will give the law of Christ its full meaning.

We know that marriage is not always easy. If it were, our divorce rate would not be what it is and I most likely would not be writing this blog. Paul definitely knew what he was talking about in his charge to the Galatians (verse above). We should be in community to carry one another’s loads and hardships for every aspect of life and I would argue that marriage is one of greatest importance.

But in order for other’s to bear our loads that we may be struggling with in marriage (and to celebrate the great times of marriage) WE MUST SHARE ABOUT OUR MARRIAGES!

Find accountability.

Seek mentors.

Discuss your relationship with another.

Don’t hide what hurts.

Be notĀ embarrassed of the problems.

Locate others that will support your marriage.

The Lord gave us the command to bear one another’s burdens and loads not as another item for our “to-do list” but as a help for us all. That sharing with others, that COMMUNITY, may very well be the factor that keeps your marriage on the straight and narrow.

I guarantee that once you begin to share your stuggles, you will find that you are not alone. Many may have dealt with similar instances and share with you what worked, or can work with you as you both figure out what God is calling you to do in your relationships.

Find a couple that is in the same stage of marriage that you are in, find an older couple that has already been through what you are going through, find a pastor that can listen and help direct you, FIND COMMUNITY. Even if you are not in those hard times, they will come. Find someone now.

The great thing about community is that it is not only for the bad times, but for the good. Those around us may grieve along side us with an infertility struggle, and then rejoice at answered prayers of a pregnancy. They may cry with you when a parent passes away, but rejoice and remind that the parent is now with Jesus. They can be angry with you when you are laid off from your job, but then network and help you in your new job search. Good community is with you in the good times and in bad. They are there to encourage, to point out the hard stuff, to pray, to rejoice, and to mourn with you. Community, my friends, is worth it.

The very concept of marriage assumes community.

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  1. Scott

    So good and so true! My wife and I are about to start a marriage small group in our church for just this reason.

    • erinmbaxter

      Thanks Scott! My husband and I are part of a small group at our church as well. It is such a blessing! God bless you in your leadership of that group!

  2. Carmella Mons

    Good communication is a must to develop the healthy relationships in your married life. You should share all your problems and feelings with your partner as well listen to your partner and understand. Make some time for each other to share your emotions. Go for outing with your partner and make some romantic plans for short vacation.”:”

    Best wishes