Guest Post for Traveling Man Ministry

Posted in My Guest Posts with 3 comments

I had the wonderful blessing of being asked to guest post for The Traveling Man Ministry. It’s a great blog that supports men as they travel and encourages them away from temptations of lust. I hope you’ll check it out!


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  1. Tracy

    I have spent more than half our marriage doing what I know is my responsibility and that is to be the best I can be for him and our son. I have been on a medication regimen for a year that finally works, this comes of course after nearly 8 yrs. of misdiagnosis, mis-treated by Doctors and wrongly medicated. With the incorrect medications have come permanant side effects. Now that I am the correct medications it seems that one issue in our marriage is an even bigger problem now. I can’t feel anything. I am not numb emotionally from the medications but the medications do affect chemicals which in turn can make “feeling” physical touch impossible. My husband and I have an incredible marriage, a great team, best friends, strong co-parents, and just mesh well together all the way around. To have the issue of not being able to feel anything during intimacy really stinks. This makes it of course to get aroused, have an orgasm and pretending to feel pleasure is out of the question. I am fortunate to have a husband that loves me right where I am at but would love to know if anyone has any other suggestions. I finished reading Intimate Issues and Intended For Pleasure, my mind wants to go there but my body is dead. God has done so much for us in our marriage and I know He can take care of this but I want to seek answers anywhere I can. Praying for many years now, not giving up hope but hoping for a light bulb.

  2. Cindy at Affaircare

    You know Tracy, I’m not a doctor and I don’t have medical training, so one thing that springs to mind would be to talk to your doctor about not being able to feel physical touch. I assume you have some feeling or you wouldn’t be able to move or walk…but my guess based on how you describe it would be that it feels wooden or numbish–somewhat like after a c-section the stitches heal but the nerves just feel different and sometimes you see them touching *here* and actually feel it over *there.* So #1 I’d say tell your doctor.

    But beyond that, I am a 50yo lady, and I do have a Dear Hubby who has struggled with a chronic illness. I know how discouraging it can be to try and try and try something new only to have it fail–or worse yet in your case, cause a permanent side effect. I also know how ENCOURAGING it can be to finally feel like you got the right diagnosis and the right amount at the right time to do some good and feel…well better! Finally I also know that as Dear Hubby and I get older, well physically we just CHANGE; physical stuff changes: stamina decreases–arthritis sets in–some things that felt good before hurt now, etc. This is true for everyone, whether you are in good health and aging…or have a chronic illness.

    What Dear Hubby and I have done is to just accept that it’s not the same as it once was. The ways we used to express our sexuality are the same, so that means we have to adapt. So one thing that is very, VERY important is not being shy and communicating very openly with your spouse. They are not in your body and can not tell if something hurts or doesn’t work unless you tell them…so be brave and talk about it. Next, I think it is UTTERLY important to take the attitude that you are in this TOGETHER and that you want to remain sexual but somehow it needs to adapt. Now the definition of your sexuality as a couple before may have been regular bunny-rapid lovemaking…and now maybe it would adapt to slower, more spiritually intimate tantric.

    I don’t mean this mean but if I were injured and was paralyzed I literally would not feel a thing, but I would still DESIRE my spouse mentally and want to do some things physically as I could….hey I still have a mouth and tongue! LOL My point is maybe you just don’t orgasm–so? So what? Do you enjoy the kissing? The petting? The touching? Then who cares if you don’t hit the peak? Is it maybe that your husband wants you to enjoy it as much as he does–that makes good sense. So tell him what you do enjoy!! Your body may feel numb or like wood, but your largest sex organ is still very alive and well–YOUR MIND–so use that sex organ and arouse your mind. Explore other options of intimacy like emotional closeness and intellectual closeness. Again the point is “We are in this together–let’s find a way to adapt that we both find mutually pleasurable.” Whatever that is…that is what you do.

    God bless you in your journey!