I hope you are enjoying these as much as I am. Today’s post by Alecia really touched my heart. I am so thankful for her willingness to share and her amazing example of sticking it through in good times and bad. Alecia, thank you for your incredible vulnerability and passion for helping marriages! Make sure you check out Alecia and Clint’s site. They are great!
For twelve years our marriage had plenty of secrets. And not the kind that create success. We kept things bottled up. We didn’t communicate. We built up resentments. We nagged. We hurt with words. We didn’t prioritize each other. If you wanted to find out what “not to do” in marriage we may have been great models for that.
Not sure anyone could tell however. We were good at putting on a good face. Good at pretending everything was good. Good at pretending we had it all together.
Until we didn’t.
And everything exploded.
Clint’s three years of affairs and secrets were the catalyst for each of us to take a look at ourselves and our marriage and make a decision. We were at a crossroads. Would we continue to live and act and love the way we had for twelve years or would we allow this dark time to teach us, grow us, and change us for the better?
I for one am grateful that I chose to stay and forgive. Marriage is still hard. We still argue. We still miscommunicate. We still handle things less then well some days.
But, there’s a different element at play that wasn’t there before the affairs. And because of that we have had three years of marriage that have been better than either of us could ever have imagined.
So, what’s our secret?
What makes our marriage work?
In a word…grace.
My husband certainly needed it when he chose to confess his dark secrets to me. And I knew in my heart that I wanted to extend it. For one reason – I knew how in need of it that I was.
And so the journey began. The journey to healing. The journey to restoration. The journey to learning to walk this thing called marriage out with another human being and do it well.
You can’t do it well without grace.
Grace allows you to drop your preconceived ideas about what marriage should look like.
Grace gives you the ability to relax your expectations and give your spouse room to be who they are.
Grace allows you to forgive your spouse for their imperfections.
Grace allows you to see your differences as a good thing.
Grace makes you aware that your spouse is just as human as you are. They will fail you.
And grace gives you the ability and desire to handle those failures with, well…grace.
Clint and Alecia blog over at www.marriagelifeministries.org. They began writing as a way of reaching out to and encouraging other couples who have experienced adultery. They have been married for 15 years, have four children and are both finishing up their Master’s, Clint in Professional Counseling and Alecia in Elementary and Special Education. They spend their spare time enjoying…wait…they don’t have any spare time. But, if they did they would be reading, golfing, and scrapbooking. Check out their site where they share their story of restoration and share what they’ve learned about the importance of telling ourselves the truth so that we are better able to live it out!
Want to write for me? E-mail for more information on how you can have your own secret posted on Mystery32! Erin[at]mystery32[dot]com