If you follow any of my fellow marriage bloggers such as The Generous Wife, Intimacy in Marriage, Hot, Holy and Humorous, or One Flesh Marriage, this title may seem familiar. Over the last week or two, many wives (and husbands too!) are writing posts about being positive about their sex lives. Well, I couldn’t let them have all the fun! So here we go…
- It’s gotten so much better. I will be the first to admit that the first few years of our marriage and sex lives were not too great physically. The intimacy was amazing, but physical struggles for me were rough. That’s a post I’m still getting the courage to write, but let me just say… God is good and it has gotten SO much better! If you are a newly-wed who is having sex issues, keep on keeping on! I speak from experience when I say it only gets better!
- I’ve learned that “no” isn’t an option. Telling your husband “no” when he asks to be intimate with you is like a slap in the face to him. It hurts more than you could imagine. To go forward no matter how you feel is being a true servant to your husband. Now, this is a two-way street. Matt knows when not to ask and wouldn’t put me in a hard situation if he knew I wasn’t feeling well or had a particularly hard day (though, those days can be the best for sex!) but respect for one another definitely goes both ways.
- I think my husband is hot. I thought so when I first saw him when we were 14 and over 11 years later.. well, that man ages well!
- I’m glad we waited. We were both virgins when we married and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. We both feel blessed that we are each others one and only’s and through God’s grace have been blessed by His gift of the marriage bed. For those that may doubt if it’s worth it, trust us… it is.
- Writing about sex is not always easy. It can be awkward. I mean, our parents often read my blog. People at my church come and tell me that they read my blog. So as I’m writing this I’m also thinking “Hm… well, now they know!” But if one marriage can be helped by it? SO worth it!
- Initiating makes it better. I love when my husband wants me but when I want him it makes it so much better. I’m already “on”, he’s happy, and the rest you can probably guess from there.
- Trying new things is hard for us. We are beyond comfortable with each other, but trying new things still has an awkwardness to it that makes it hard. Matt may not know this (until he edits this post, of course), but that’s one of my main goals for us going forward.
- God is in our bedroom. Sounds a little weird, and in all other circumstances I can tell you that I would not want a third party involved, but allowing God to guide us in the gift He created has been HUGE in our marriage. Especially at the beginning and now as we try for a child, God has been so faithful to keep us positive, to give us hope, and to keep our focus first on Him and then on one another. If you haven’t invited God into your sex life, I guarantee He will turn it up for you if you let Him!
- If things are better OUTSIDE the bedroom, they are always better INSIDE the bedroom. When we are sweet to each other in every day life, if we go into sex with no frustrations and without anger at one another, our time of intimacy is always great. Bring in frustrations and bring in a not-so-joyous time of sex. This includes more than just frustrations at each other. If we don’t leave our frustrations of life at the bedroom door it will interfere. I especially have to remember this one when going into sex. It’s time to shut the brain off and enjoy my husband.
- I’m still learning. I’m learning how I can be a better lover to my husband and how I can help him to be a better lover to me. I’m learning how important intimacy is to him and how important it is to our marriage. I’m learning that it’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. And I’m learning that just because it’s not perfect now does not mean I should get frustrated. We have our whole lives to practice!
If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll read the confessions of my fellow marriage bloggers that I linked to above. And please, make your own list! The more positive you become about your sex life and the more open you become with your husband and even others, the better your intimacy will become!