Goodbye George, hello Sam.

Posted in Marriage Monday, Sex talk with 4 comments

If you have not read last Monday’s post about George the Wreath please go back and read that now or you may be a little lost. :) To recap, I talked about an ornament wreath that I loved and worked so hard on that continued to fall apart. In fact, it is still in pieces on the floor of our office closet. I just haven’t found the strength to piece him together again. Which may have you confused because I said I was going to compare George to your sex life. Shouldn’t I have put it together with stronger glue or something? Isn’t this supposed to be a story of how if you work real hard, everything will work out and stay together perfectly? Not quite. Let me introduce you to our newest Christmas addition. Meet Sam…

Sam coming to us was a bit of a surprise. I was just getting over my disappointment of not getting a real Christmas tree this year when I saw him outside of Home Depot. He may look plain but if you look very close, you may notice that he is a REAL wreath. That’s right, REAL pine (or fir… or whatever). He smells heavenly and does not get destroyed when pushed between the front door and the front glass door (the demise of poor George). He came with a red, dying bow but I replaced it with this beautiful, sparkly one and he is just perfect.

Ok, I’ll try not to go on and on about inanimate objects again, on to sex correlations. We used to have a George kind of sex life. It was one we tried real hard at, but it just wouldn’t work. We stayed virgins until we were married, we made sex a priority in our relationship as soon as our marriage began, we tried different things and worked very hard at it. From the outside it would look beautiful (not that anyone’s looking at it, that’s weird). But we had a beautiful start as far as staying pure and saving ourselves for one another. But it wouldn’t work. Pain and frustrations got in the way and it wasn’t what we always pictured it being like. No matter what WE did, it wouldn’t be fixed.

This is when Sam entered the picture (so to speak). We gave our sex life to the Lord. Not that He wasn’t a part of it before, but we truly surrendered it to Him at this point. It wasn’t an overnight change. Our sex life was sometimes in pieces in the closet (so to speak) like George is now and we often got frustrated at the process. But God worked. He took our attempts at a beautiful sex life and turned it into something REAL, not just what we thought it was supposed to be. It didn’t have all the bells and whistles that we were looking for in our “George sex”, but it was truly beautiful. It worked, it brought us closer, and it even led us closer to our God. We can truly say that anything good that happens in the bedroom (all the way to conceiving a child) is completely of Him.

Now, though God took over and made it anew, that didn’t mean that we sat back and did nothing. Just as I added a new bow to Sam, so did we seek doctor’s help us get to a new point. God uses others in our sex life as well and that is important to remember. If you are in the middle of a “George sex life”, give it to the Lord and trust that He will work, but also listen to Him and find opportunities to improve your intimacy with your spouse so you are not stuck with a George continuing to fall apart. If you are having trouble with painful intercourse as we were or something else like erectile dysfunction, low libido, etc. seek help of medical professionals. If you struggle with your intimacy due to psychological boundaries, a past relationship, abuse, an affair in your marriage, etc. seek the help of a mental health professional like a counselor. God gives us resources and we should seek to use them. But make sure your full hope and trust is in the Lord, not others. He is the Creator of sex and all things good and desires that you be close to your husband/wife in that most intimate of ways.

Genesis 2:24-25 (The MESSAGE)~ Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

Please take hope if you are in a marriage with a struggling sex life. It can get better and it will if you are giving it to the One greater than yourself. Pray both separately and together, seek Him every step of the way and He will give you the answers that you need. I’ve said this before but God is a great sex therapist. He knows your sex life in detail and is the best one to go to in the good and the bad. I’m praying that if you are reading this today and in a struggle of some sort with your intimacy that you will wave that white flag and invite Him in. He is faithful and so willing to exceed your expectations. Let Him take that thing you are trying to make beautiful into something that is real. Something that is fresh and new and that will not fall apart depending on the circumstances.

Proverbs 16:1-3 (ESV)~ The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

 

 


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4 Comments

  1. Lori Ferguson

    Great analogy. Truly.

    Rob and I married young – and had our first child on our first anniversary. (not planned by anyone other than God!) Our first 2 years of marriage left a LOT to be desired. (especially on Robert’s side)

    During this time someone talked to us about “The Twenty-Year Warm Up”. Now, it’s possible that some might find the concept of spending 20 years to build a satisfying intimate relationship as disheartening, for us it was the magic phrase. God provided the right words at the right time to sustain our journey. (and it didn’t really take 20 years to begin enjoying each other)

    We’re married 28 years now. My body doesn’t even faintly resemble that 20-year-old body that Robert desired. But we are definitely warmed up! :-) We just went away for a two-day retreat at the beach, ’cause our adult children are living with us for a while, and we were missing the open ability to be intimate! Our bodies have changed, but the love that God has nurtured in our hearts remains blazing!

    Reply
    • erinmbaxter

      Thanks for sharing, Lori! I love your testimony. So good to know that it can only get better instead of the opposite that many try and push.

      Reply