Intentional Sweetness

Posted in Marriage Monday, Personal with 9 comments

UsMatt and I are entering into our final week of being a family of 2. Our little boy is due March 24th and at this point has 3 options: 1. Come early any time this week. 2. Come right on time and we will see you Sunday. 3. Be late and possibly make us take measures to come and get you ourselves. I’m quite content with him in there and I think he may be feeding off of me because he seems pretty snug himself. While I can’t wait to meet him, I think part of my contentment (other than just wanting him to be healthy and come when he is ready) is the sweet time Matt and I have been enjoying together in these last few weeks.

We have always made spending time together a priority. We have our weekly date nights (those are going to look a little different soon), we always make a point to have time to talk about our days, and we generally just enjoy being together anyway. But these last few weeks have been different. Nothing amazing. No great trips or incredible activities, just us. Knowing that Isaac (our little guy) could come any time has seemed to make us that much more deliberate about our time together. It has made us see each other in a new light. We know it is going to be different soon, and we are going to fully take in all that we have to offer one another. It has helped us to not take one another for granted and to really enjoy every moment.

Like I said, we were never bad at spending time together, but this intentional time has just been special and it makes me wish that we could go back and spend every moment together like we have been. There is a sweetness to it like none other and I know I will never forget this time together.

Maybe you have children and can remember a time like this before they came around. Do you still have those times today? I can only imagine (though I will find out soon) how hard it can be to keep a sweet time like this going when you have a baby crying, a toddler running, or a teenager screaming in the other room. But it makes me wonder (and hope) that there is a way to make it happen. It may not be for weeks at a time like ours has been lately, but my prayer is that intentional, sweet time with you spouse can still happen post-children.

For those without kids (and not expecting any yet), what does this look like for you? Maybe you have gotten past that honeymoon period and you are finding yourselves in the “now what?” stage. Are these intentional moments ever happening for you? Maybe its a long dinner with just the two of you, talking on the patio of a restaurant on a beautiful Spring night, or it could simply be one of you coming to the other, looking into your spouse’s eyes and saying “I love you” while meaning each and every word.

My prayer is that this does not stop for us. As I said, it is an intentional sweetness. A purposeful, planned time. This means we cannot sit around and wait for it to happen. I can hope all day long that our post-baby days will have some of these sweet pre-baby moments but unless we both choose to make it happen, it won’t. This has been a conversation we have had often in these “final days” and something we are both committed to. I encourage you to have a similar conversation. Don’t let a baby or some other major life event be a reason to stop you from having a purposeful time of sweetness in your marriage. And don’t let it be a reason to start either. Wherever you are at in life (kids/no kids, newly married/married for years), choose now to have that intentional, meaningful time with your beloved. I promise it will be a time you will forever cherish.

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  1. Keith

    Great post. Reading it reminded me of an article I read about how couples should have a “funeral” for their old lives right before their first child is born as a psychological separation. Your article sounded like an old couple spending their last days together–which is kind of true, but in a nice way in that your “rebirth” will be that much nicer… well, once you get through the whole no-sleep thing! :-)

  2. Nancy Traver

    A well said sentiment. As one pair of the prospective great grandparents we are hoping that Isaac shows up today on our 24th anniversary! What a way to top off a special time we take to appreciate and love on one another! Both Jerry and I honor you today and every day and we too cannot wait for Isaac to show up! Love, Papa Jerry/Grandma Nancy

  3. Skylar

    My husband and I have been married for six months. I noticed not too long ago that we haven’t been as intentional about doing little things for each other, or spending special time together. We’re together a lot, but we’re discovering that our definitions of togetherness are very different. He feels like we’ve spent time together when we’re relaxing on the couch together after a long day. However, while relaxing, I don’t feel especially bonded because I’m reading and he’s on the computer. After talking about it several times, he told me that he realized he sometimes forgets I’m me–as in, he feels so much that we’re “one flesh” that he forgets I have different needs and desires, etc! I guess on one hand it’s a compliment: he feels we have a very strong marriage and connection. But my husband has been more intentional about spending special “us” time, where we revel in each other’s uniqueness from ourselves, while still enjoying that we’re “one.” We love to drive to the mountains and just have little moments like watching the sunset. I can only imagine how different that scene will look when we have kids someday lol!

    Congrats on your little one! Hope everything goes smoothly. : )

    • Erin Baxter

      Sklar, Thanks for reading! I’m so glad that you and your hubs have figured this out already, very impressive! I think the earlier we figure it out in our marriage, the better. Things will still change and this will look different to you both as time goes on, but if you keep your time together as a priority it will always work out!

  4. Christy Joy

    It’s totally possible but not without a fight. It’s worth it though. I still have a hard time leaving our kids when we go out and they’re 2 and 4. But we always have such a good time and then I wish we had more time. I think it’s important to remember we won’t always have screaming babies and active toddlers. It may not be easy carving out the time but I want to look back on that day when our son kept barging into the bedroom and our daughter climbed up and sat on her daddy’s head with fondness and laughter. Cherish every moment, even the inconvenient ones:-) Thank you for sharing and for linking up with HWC!

  5. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous)

    Praying that all goes well for you three!

    Marvelous post! I remember a friend telling me before we conceived that my husband and I needed to take all the vacations we wanted to do NOW, before the kids were born. We kind of blew that off. Boy, am I V8-slapping my head now! He was right. Maybe we didn’t need to travel a lot, but we did need to savor that couple time more. I am absolutely thrilled to have my children and wouldn’t change that for anything, but a married couple’s ability to be just-two does change after the kids come.

  6. Lori @encourage your spouse

    Yesterday I visited with a new mom (their baby boy is 7 weeks now). She talked about being really tired, but still working to take time for her and her hubby. I think planning for time together as a couple is key – it’s not going to happen organically. At least not at first…

    Praying your time of waiting is peaceful, and that your delivery is gentle.

  7. Fawn @Happy Wives Club

    You have hit on a point that is so important and I love the way you put it, “intentional sweetness.” Putting a plan in place ahead of time will allow you and Matt to succeed at exactly what it is you set out to do. Congratulations on the new addition to your family (which may already be here by now :)) and we look forward to seeing some pics once the baby is born.