Where is God When My Marriage is Hurting?

Posted in Marriage Monday with 5 comments


Being a new mom, I find myself being very proud of the little things I accomplish now. A load of laundry? Yes! No dirty diapers laying around? Wow! And actually making and eating a nutritious lunch instead of a month old expired tortilla? AMAZING! (That may or may not have actually happened…)

But one of the greatest things I take pride in now is being on time. I thought I was late before, but I never knew late until I had an infant in my care 24/7. Take yesterday morning for example. We had grand plans to attend the late service at church (that’s at 11 a.m. if you are wondering). To make a long story short, we walked into our church building about 30 minutes late. While bummed that we missed worship and announcements, we were glad that our pastor was just beginning to preach and started making our way towards the sanctuary. Until baby got fussy. Matt went ahead and went in to take part in the service while I found myself in one of the family care rooms feeding a little one. When all was said and done, I entered the sanctuary, got settled in and was just in time… to hear the closing prayer and watch everyone file out. Hm.

Please tell me someone can relate?

When I am on time for something now, I am overjoyed. It’s the little things in life, especially now, that excite me. While being late to church didn’t really hurt anyone, I probably need to perfect my timing so I don’t leave a friend hanging when we are supposed to meet up. I imagine them having to wait over 30 minutes for me only so I could leave to feed a baby for a while would not go over well. And while they may be understanding the first time or two, it would probably get pretty frustrating over time.

I’m wondering if you are the frustrated friend right now.

Maybe you have been very patient in waiting but it’s now getting old and you want results now. You want your friend to show up and you are frustrated that they can’t seem to get their act together. And while you hate to admit it to anyone else for fear of looking like a “lesser Christian,” that friend that isn’t showing up for you is God.

Where is God when you are praying for an un-saved spouse and no change has occurred? Where is God when your husband just won’t step up as a leader and you are tired of pulling the weight of everything yourself? Where is God when your wife will not listen, even when you feel God has led you in a certain direction but she will not have it? And where is God when you find that secret porn folder on the computer after you thought that struggle was over? You’ve prayed and prayed, now where is God?

Waiting. It’s one of the most difficult things you can find yourself doing in life, but in one way or another you are stuck there. While there’s many things we have to wait for in the day to day, waiting for God to show up in your marriage may be one of the most frustrating.

It can look very different from marriage to marriage but overall, waiting for change is hard. Waiting for things to get better is hard. And waiting for what you would think God would want is even harder.

But there is a difference between me and God (ok, there are quite a few differences if we are being honest, here). I am late to things because I am not perfect. I am late to things because I can’t see the future. I am late to things because (even if not purposefully), I am thinking of myself and what will work for me right now.

But that’s not the God I serve. The God I serve is patient and know just the right time. He is perfect and knows you intimately. He knows all and see’s what is best. Sometimes all we know is human tendencies, and humans tend to fail. We often put these human tendencies onto God and think He might fail us too. But when we think this, we are wrong.

God see’s your situation, but knows it isn’t time yet. He has a grasp and understanding of the future that we cannot possibly know. He tells us He will answer our prayers, and we have to learn to trust. God may have us wait, but He always comes through.

It feels like the easy, cop out thing to say is “Just wait! God will answer your prayers!” But I know the waiting is far from easy. When you are sitting in a puddle of your own broken heart over a marriage you are desperate to save it can feel completely lonely and frustrating. But know this: He sees and He will answer. 

Praying for patience is sometimes not the best, as we have to be willing to be stretched to as far God will allow us. But praying for peace amongst the waiting can bring strength and courage to face the next day. When you are stuck in these frustrating and seemingly hopeless situations, know that God is good and He cares for you. If your relationship with your spouse is struggling, focus on your relationship with the Lord and watch as your other relationships (however slowly) start to change. Set your eyes on Christ and go full steam ahead towards Him, and let Him guide you as you wait.

There is no easy answer to the question “Where is God?” so why not ask another?

“God, will You walk with me through this?” 

Isaiah 40:41- But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 27:14- Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!


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  1. Nancy Traver

    Thank you for the reminder. Our marriage is fine but we are waiting for some more serious issues and this was an excellent reminder that God is there for us and when the anxiety and worry comes in, focus on God. I too struggle with impatience constantly and find as I get older and am slowing down, and others need patience with me, so I need to be at peace, knowing God is in charge. Thanks again!


    Nancy T.

  2. Fawn @Happy Wives Club

    Love your alternate question. It’s spot on. My mother always told us with God we are on a “need to know” basis. And NTK basis is something used in military combat. Each person is only given the amount of information they need to successfully complete their mission. That may be why I don’t ask God why but rather look for the lesson in each season and pray and hope that the tough ones I won’t need to see again.

  3. Jaimie

    I just started re-reading the book of Job today and this really connects with that. We can’t assume that just because we’re experiencing difficulties and trials (no matter how painful), that God has left us or doesn’t care about us. We simply can’t see his bigger purpose, and we have to rely on the faith THAT HE GIVES US to trust in his ultimate love for us. He ALWAYS works things out for good, even if we can’t see how that turns out.

    It’s easy to say that when things are going well… but I’m learning to praise and thank God even in the hard times. In two-plus years of marriage my husband and I have already experienced challenges I never expected we’d face, but we are closer because of them and my faith in God has been strengthened amazingly. God is always faithful, and I take great comfort in that.

  4. Andrea Ballew

    Thank you for this. I am relating to every word you’ve written! I found your blog by accident and but know that God brought me to it to be reminded that His timing is perfect and He knows the desires of my heart. God Bless!

    • Erin Baxter

      I’m so glad this was a help to you, Andrea! He does know your heart’s desires and never works “by chance”. Praying for you now!